May 3

I've been hesitant to post.
How do you express 532 emotions in one blog post?
So here are the facts:
our visas were approved
bought tickets (with the help of carving sales, donation, chris working, and tax refund)
flight out of Boston May 3

MAY THIRD

crazy.   There's so much to do it almost paralyzes me.  All my years of making fun of list-makers is biting me, i'm forced to make lists of things we need, thing to do.  We have to get rid of a lot of junk, figure out what's essential to take, what we can get in Tonga...there's a limited amount of information so i'm running off a peace corp list.  My sister-in-law suggested i put up a list of things we need, it hadn't even crossed my mind.    So i'll be putting it up shortly.

Knowing we'll be leaving in May has made every day living surreal.  Ever since we found out i've been debating what to post.  I wanted to be honest with my thoughts and portrayal of the situation.  I'm excited, but i have fears.  Especially concerning my kids.  What kind of faith (in Jesus) do i have?  If it's been all talk, well, i'll soon find out.  I can be fearless if  i fully believe God is real and good.  I won't cling to save my life so much but fearlessly give it to others even in dangerous situations.   But, honestly, what holds me back at times are these two questions:  Is God real?  and is He as good as He says He is?  Because if it's a yes, then when He says:

²⁷ “Consider how the wildflowers grow: They don’t labor or spin thread. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these! ²⁸ If that’s how God clothes the grass, which is in the field today and is thrown into the furnace tomorrow, how much more will He do for you—you of little faith? ²⁹ Don’t keep striving for what you should eat and what you should drink, and don’t be anxious. ³⁰ For the Gentile world eagerly seeks all these things, and your Father knows that you need them.

   ³¹ “But seek His kingdom, and these things will be provided for you. ³² Don’t be afraid,little flock, because your Father delights to give you the kingdom. ³³ Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Make money-bags for yourselves that won’t grow old, an inexhaustible treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. ³⁴ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

then...i literally should not worry about holding on to my possessions or if we'll have money for food in Tonga.  Chris and I are constantly struggling to not be manipulative.  I constantly have to check myself and why i'm saying something.  It would be easy to manipulate or say things people like to hear so they will help fund our trip.  I want to look back and see how God brought us to where we are, how He provided for us.   Not how i guilted them or used the Bible to get what i want.

Last thought, here's what we decided to do about the Fiji guy.  On our way to Tonga we don't have a lot of extra time, so we decided to stay in Fiji for 3 days and hope to stay at his hotel and talk with him.  We have to come back to Fiji in a year when our visa's run out so that we can renew them.  If we meet up with Fiji guy on our way out we'll plan to go to his village in a year.