Monday, September 11, 2017

September 28th we leave.
Waves of nausea come and go as peace like a river collides with coffee like jitters of anxiety. We're good, We're totally good...and then we're not.  Sad to say goodbye, happy to say hello. Anticipation muddled with fear.  We've learned to stop feeding the voices of anxiety and worry so they have less power but we also have to make preparations for real coming changes so concerns can't be ignored.   We need something bigger than us, something outside of us.  We need the presence of God. The awareness of our desperate need for God is not a curse either, it has been a gift.  It drives us to view situations through spiritual eyes and to cover our minds with scriptural meditations and truths.  Being in a state of complete satisfaction and happiness in God alone is our goal.  Not perfection! We're far from that! Come take a closer look and you'll be severely disappointed in our shortcomings.  I believe it is more relying on God to turn weakness into strength.

The desire of chasing after control and certainty sounds ridiculous now...i'd be an idiot to not have learned that these past 5 years.  And uncertainty is looming again, everyone experiences this.  After God gave us new land to build our home and One Love's camp, our plan was to slowly build while living off site and move onto the new land when things were established.  We also had high hopes of more funds and helpful equipment sent over in a box.  Plans have changed.  We have been living on land that's been in limbo for awhile, a temporary space that we were graciously allowed to live on rent free for the past few years.  It's had it troubles but it's been a great spot to jump start One Love's skatepark and build our crazy bush house.  If i had any doubts about whether or not we should move to the new land they are gone now, God has made it very definitive that we need to move forward and live almost immediately on this new land.  The old land is going to have an overhaul and be developed and everything currently on the land will be bulldozed.  Hard news, but not bad news.  We are grateful for the time we've been allowed and we were planning on moving anyways.  Thankfully, we'll have time to move the skate park and salvage what we can from the house and garden for the first month or so back.


The implications of this happening sooner than later mean we are starting over at square one.  Back to the bush with no power.  And not many fancy gadgets to make it easier!   The new land is much farther from the capital and the kids school so that brings concern on being able to afford to drive the kids back and forth to school, although we are considering ,if we get kayaks, kayaking back and forth as it's quicker and gasoline free that way.  I had hopes of upgrading my washing machine this year to a single tub washer and spinner, but that has changed!  Back to washing clothes by hand.  The instant gratification and convenience of America will soon seem like a fairy tale! Running water is glorious! Hot showers like mini spas! Chris has his work cut out for him as he must immediately dig a will so we have access to water.  With no power except a small solar panel we're not sure if we will have to use a bucket to bring up water.  I really really hope it's short term, simple tasks can turn into hard labor and make progress minimal. And focusing on survival means less focus on spreading the love of Jesus to people.  Being alone in the bush in an unfamiliar village causes us some fear and worry.  We will have no neighbors but it's almost inevitable someone will wander over to cause trouble or steal stuff.  I'm really hoping and praying we can be off the ground to sleep at night so i don't have to lie awake at night anticipating a bush knife coming through our tent!

We are extremely thankful though,  God has given us land at just the right time.  God has given us a few good, trustworthy friends in Tonga.  We have an amazing church behind us and awesome family. Several people are coming out short term to join in on the craziness!   Phil and Kylie Beman and their 3 boys will be come alongside us for 1 year starting July 2018!  So we see how good God is, how he provides,and know he has never abandoned us.  We want this next trip to be marked by thankfulness and joy because we know God is the ultimate treasure and He's worth losing everything to find.